Thursday, January 28, 2010

It’s a Journey – Not a Destination

21 January 2009


Life is a Journey, not a destination… Adam is on the Journey of his life right now and we are lucky enough to be a part of it. I feel SO lucky to have found him and to be a part of all of this.

Growing up I was not able to accept myself. Not able to accept that I am gay. I will one day open up more about that, but am not ready to go there yet. However, I will simply say that as a teen I was in complete denial of the fact that I was gay and never allowed myself to have a “crush” on any “Male Star”. I now find through Adam, I am able to have that experience and know what it is like to be on this journey of being a “fan”. I wait in excitement for the next showing of Adam. For any little Tweet to come from him. To hope he is happy, and worry that he is losing too much weight, but hope he is eating well. MY GOD… I have turned into his beautiful Jewish Mother! When did that happen? LOL! I guess the more we fall in love with Adam the more we care about his well-being.

As I look at all of you… these beautiful women adoring Adam, I see many of you as my friends and my sisters and I feel in my heart that so many of you are gay men trapped in women’s bodies and Adam triggered that in you. That is YOUR Journey. To allow the gay man in all of you to come out and be celebrated – don’t be afraid to hide it. Let that PRIDE show and I don’t care if you are 15 or 105… Adam brings out that teen in all of us again and we are on the Journey with him! We have no destination, we are just going to celebrate it everyday. We ARE going to “Strut” and enjoy every moment, cry every tear of joy for Adam or sorrow when we see his pain and together… this Journey will forever bond us and we will be grateful to Adam Lambert for taking us along for the ride.

Peace, Love & Adam Always,
Sean
@sweetsexysean
sweetsexysean4adam@gmail.com

PS: This blog is dedicated to Azure, Jen, Julie and Kelly. Thank you for helping me and believing in me. I love you.

1 comment:

  1. I like your idea, though I think trapped may be too strong of a term to describe how we (female fans) feel about our bodies. Keep in mind that this is largely a reflection of my experience.

    Since I was very young, (think preschool), I've felt a disconnect with other girls. I was, no matter how hard I tried, not 'one of the girls.' this wasn't because I was less female than them, in fact, it actually stemmed from a set of fears, namely those of hair ties and ratty barbies, which kept me from interacting with them in any meaningful manner. Ultimately, what happened was that I grew up in such a peer group that relating to others from a female role is bizarre. When I'm in a dress, I may as well be dressed in drag. I'm alway self-conscious. (are my boobs showing? Is my skirt riding up? I look like somebady stuffed me unto this, don't I?) it is simply easier, given my interests, experiences and personality to interact with people as a male.

    The following is way more specific to me. When I wear men's clothes, (and I do, on occaision; do you have any idea how hard it is to find a women's dress shirt you can wear a tie with?) I actually feel competent. Whatever I'm supposed to be doing, I can do it more efficiently. Where I keep being paranoid about a dress, I can just be myself in a shirt and tie. I think part of it is because what I'm wearing then matches how I want to be viewed.

    The wierd thing is, it's okay for people to see and desire me as female. Part of it is about distancing myself. When I'm dressed as male, I have, to a point, distanced myself. Women are emotionally availiable to everyone. The expectation of being female is that you will be both an emotional pillar for everyone else, and ready to personally collapse at the drop of a hat, it's just tiring.

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